Dear Sirs,
Herewith attached are the minutes of the tenth ‘Save the Mosquitoes’ campaign meeting.
Opening: The meeting was called to order at 21:06 by Sebastian Moronell at Super-International-Ballistic Church Ministries, Stealmore Banda Estate, New Kasama.
Present: Brutus Caesar, Sebastian Moronell, Tobias Giraffeneck, Felicitous Pranksta.
Absent: Stealmore Banda, Speedy Mulenga, Zoomy Muzungu.
Approval of Agenda: Prophet Stealmore Banda, absent, communicated with the good Lord and the agenda was subsequently lost in divine translation.
Approval of Minutes: Too many doodles of mosquitoes on the previous meeting minutes. Sebastian has a doodling problem. Or a boredom problem. Members agreed that they would be reprinted, reviewed, and approved during the next meeting. Sebastian is not allowed to handle minutes and/or agendas any longer.
Business from the Previous Meeting: Members agreed on a meeting schedule to discuss the possibility of having an agenda for future meetings. The proposed schedule was accepted with some minor adjustments. Consequently, scheduling to take 4-6 business weeks to amend.
New Business:
Brainstorming session on how to counter anti-mosquito and anti-malaria propaganda. Ideas included:
i) Highlighting the progressive gender roles in mosquito life—the females hunt for blood, bite, and carry malaria, while the males are mild-mannered homemakers.
ii) Insisting on the vicarious life of the mosquito: males live for one week, females for about six weeks. Why should we cut their already short life even shorter?
iii) Framing the wholesale murder of mosquitoes in eradication campaigns as part of the industrial-military-NGO complex.
In line with the above, it was agreed that the ‘Save the Mosquitoes’ campaign needs a new motto. The top three campaign mottos were as follows:
i) “For Every Mosquito Killed, Another Larva Orphan is Made!”
ii) “Stop Funding the Genocide of Innocent Mosquitoes! Let’s Build Schools Instead!”
iii) “God Created Men and Mosquitoes as Equals!”
It was agreed that brightly-coloured banners with the mottos in bold print would be necessary for maximum public coverage. Ideally, a biblical verse in support of insect rights is needed on said banner. The slightly confusing Proverbs 12:10 was chosen as an ideal candidate: “Whoever is righteous has regard for the life of his beast, but the mercy of the wicked is cruel.” Prophet Stealmore Banda was absent, so he could not give a learned exegesis of the text. Sebastian, who also claims to have prophetic powers, says it supports the rights of mosquitoes and tsetse flies, which are known to be sworn enemies. A debate over the moral superiority of mosquitoes and tsetse flies ensued, with no clear winner.
Additions to the Agenda:
i) Sebastian recently had cerebral malaria; he may be even wittier than previously imagined.
ii) Brutus was found to have a rash on his back; Tobias had to apply aloe vera cream on the affected area. A pregnant silence fell upon the room when Tobias and Brutus locked eyes and held each other for a fleeting second. Tobias, flustered, turned red and left the room.
Adjournment: The meeting was adjourned at 23:56 by Sebastian Moronell. The next meeting will be held on 03/02/2026 at Nuclear-Level-Prophetic-Inspiration Church Ministries, Speedy Mulenga Estate, Great North Road.
Minutes submitted by: Felicitous Pranksta
Kind regards,
Felicitous.
