I hope that in these difficult times everyone is keeping safe and healthy. Please do make sure you follow safety measures recommended by the relevant authorities so that your family, friends and you are all corona-free. The COVID-19 pandemic has meant that air travel has become challenging. I have been travelling by road within Zambia whenever necessary for work. This along with my daily Lusaka commute has meant that I have once again had time to look and make note of store names within Zambia which would put a smile on all our faces. As always you can get the magazine publishers to give you a prize for finding all the places mentioned in the article.
The first category always has to be bars. There are a lot of them across the country and therefore it can be challenging for them to market themselves effectively. To catch a customer’s attention owners have to be creative with the names of their businesses and they do an amazing job of this. Let us first start with Lusaka. Driving around somewhere in the western part of Lusaka I came across the Emergency Shop. I fully understand the meaning; things have happened in my life where there is a need for emergency replenishment of fluids of the alcoholic type. Around the same area was Real Sufferers Bar. I quickly decided to avoid this place as I imagined it would be full of strong emotions and broken relationships.
But there is a solution for people who visit that place. There is a bar in Lusaka called Love & Unity Association. This could mend your heart, but if you have messed up other organs due to excessive drinking there is also Save Your Liver Foundation. I am really not sure how this works, maybe you are forced to drink water and go for a quick run between downing kegs.
In Kopala country if you are a guy and want to be away from your woman you can visit Fella Spot. You also have the suggestive Pee’s Spot and the confusing 2 Fingers Pub. I am sure it would have made a lot more sense if it said 1 Finger, there are then many meanings that can be derived. But if you are someone who was in rehabilitation and didn’t want to again have guilt in your life about drinking you can go to AA’s Pub. I never knew that Alcoholics Anonymous have taken advantage of a business opportunity, no matter how contradictory it is.
What I have also noticed is that nowadays it is not only the bars that are getting creative. Every stream of business has understood the power of naming and everyone is at it. Honestly, next time you are on the road watch out for names and you will be entertained. You wouldn’t even notice when your journey finished. Just don’t take your eyes off the road and find yourself in a pickle. I have on the way to Chipata somewhere on the highway stopped at Fantastic Shop. Just the name made me buy a pack of biscuits. While I was devouring the biscuits, I thought of fixing a dent on my car at Panel Biting Shop. I wasn’t sure of the tools used here and hence decided against it.
If you are building your house I definitely recommend Peace & Love Sheets. It has a very calm atmosphere. You will be happy with the malata (metal sheets) you find there. You can also have someone attend to your sanitation needs at To Not Be Plumbing. The blocks should be bought from I Was There Quality Blocks Factory, where I actually was. If you have any aluminum needs then go to You Know I Know Aluminum. You know they know what they are selling. For all other tools and hardware, you can visit Hard On Hardware. I am very confused by the actual meaning behind the name.
Salons and beauty parlors are also not to be ignored. A good start would be the Be Kind Beauty Klinick or if you want a real adrenaline rush while getting a trim you can visit “Ablaze Hair Studio” where I am sure the appointments start with a metal comb and a blow torch. Jealous Is Poison Barber is where I would personally have my cut done.
Grocery stores are also at it. One of my favorites is People Always Complain grocery store. It is true, we as humans have an innate capability to find something that doesn’t agree with us and complain about it. There is also James & His Wives Grocery. I’m not sure what the laws of Zambia say about polygamy, but somehow James seems to be handling many wives where average human beings like me fail to handle one. Just how does James do it?
At a grocery store called So It Is I would imagine you have to just go with what you find and not be picky about your requirements. You could however go with your other half to Lovers Inn Supermarket. Am sure one grocery which is run well is Investment 04. The owner must have started three successful ventures before getting to Investment 04 and hence I would put all my bets on this one. Or maybe he just invested in 2004. I am none the wiser.
Also, while enjoying the different names I once came across a brick fence which said “No toilet please, if found get K150.” I tried hard to find the toilet and make some money, but failed.
Dooderonomy will resume later, until then, goodbye.